18 September 2008

The teeny tiny bully pulpit

My fellow citizens, I think it is time to review the MacBean Doctrine (Sarah, pay attention). Since I am the self appointed and frequently reelected supreme commander of the Grousemoor Manor and surrounding environs I feel compelled to make a few policy statements.
I am fully aware that my positions may not be shared by everyone… but they probably should be. So without further ado, I shall commence.
1.The Economic Quagmire
Let’s imagine that there is a MacBean savings and loan providing reasonable interest rate loans to folks who wish to buy a home or start a business. They come to me, fill out a form, get approved and have a handshake. Six months later the economy falls into the toilet-- they can't make the mortgage payments, I call them up and say “ hey looks like you’re falling behind in your mortgage payments, why don’t you come in and talk to me”. They come in and we talk about the situation we find a payment that works for them and make an agreement to make monthly payments until things pick up. Badda bing badda boom.
1A. Wall Street: the raping and pillaging is over fellas, there’s a new Sheriff in town and we’re gonna put some teeth into the regulations and level the playing field. Greed and avarice will be punishable by castration.
2. The Iraq Quagmire
Set up a big pow wow with the leaders from Iraq, Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, and anyone else interested in stability in the Middle East. ‘splain to them that the United States no longer has an interest in being the global police department. It’s time for everyone to clean up their own yard and police their own bad actors ( and that includes all you rich oil barons with terrorists lurking around in your deserts). We’re done trying to create a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Ain’t gonna happen. You want some pointers on democracy? Have your people call my people. Troops, pack up we’re outta here. PS Afghanistan/Pakistan—you’re next. And South Korea, I’m not sure you need so many American soldiers so let’s talk to the U.N. about that.
3. The Transparent Border Quagmire
All those troops that are home from Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, and everywhere else in the world… They’ll spend a little time every year patrolling the borders with weapons. Immigrants with IDs welcomed with open arms. Come to the land of milk and honey, Work for your own American dream and pay your taxes. Commit a felony in the first year and you’re going home.
4. The Government quagmire
There will be Transparency, accountability and true representation. Citizen oversight in the Congress, in the White House, in the boardroom. Representatives will be accountable to their constituents and will be graded every six months--two failing grades and they go home for an interim re-election. And... government sponsored elections= no advertising . One month before each state or Federal election a series of debates will be held between the candidates and broadcast by a neutral media source and then vote . No handler's, no Spin, no pundits, no color commentators. The public prepares the questions the candidates answer them and we vote.
4a. Lobbyists = Done. Go get a real job that does not include influence peddling and bribes.
5. The Education Quagmire
Major priority! Fund the states to revamp the education system. Let the states decide on their own model, parents and teachers to work together. Pay the teachers like we pay CEOs. And put physical education and the arts back into our schools!
6. The Healthcare Quagmire
Affordable Universal health care for every man, woman and child in this country. Eliminate Insurance companies, pah. Roll it all together into Social Security, because having health care is social security!! Allow for public hospitals to exist and provide the highest standards of care in every town and every city in the country. Allow doctors and nurses to work without fear of frivolous lawsuits
7. The Crime Quagmire
Let’s have some community jailers. No more giant prisons with a subculture of gangs and violence. If John Doe robs a young couple at gunpoint, pistol whips them and steals their car, let the community take care of him-however they see fit. Speedy trial and sentencing by the local magistrate, lock him up in the town jail and let the community decide what he does with his time. Maybe he’ll need to clean up streets, remove graffiti, separate recycling, or pick up garbage. No library, no workouts, no TV, no law library. I think the Arizona Sheriff has a great idea with prisoners living in tents and wearing pink uniforms.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm tired of having to solve all the world's problems ....it is not easy being Queen.


Wicked Thistle said...

I am voting for you because you are so freeeaking hysterical! And smart, oh, so very smart.

Please, please, please put me in charge of the prisoners. I have some thoughts on that.

moi said...

Include me in prisoner duty as well. Most of these folks just need a good smack upside the head, a skill, and some come to Jesus moments about their fellow human beings.

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